In Other News....

(Now that my own pretentiousness has had its just deserts....)

The Raelian cult announced today that in fact, there have been prior successful human clonings in France. The cult's leader claims that these were performed by the extraterrestrials who taught the Raelians their 'secrets,' and were performed in fact some years ago. Specifically, he asserted that Jacques Chirac had been cloned from the DNA of the late Pierre Laval.

Reactions in Washington and London were mixed. The Secretary of State, General Colin Powell, diplomatically downplayed the suggestion, though sources close to the Secretary say he seemed unsurprised. The Prime Minister had no official comment. Dr Condoleeza Rice, the US National Security Advisor, dismissed the report, though again, sources close to Dr Rice reported her as saying, 'Well, that certainly explains a lot.' Only the Secretary of Defense, Mr Donald Rumsfeld, would give a statement for the record: 'Oh, that's horse manure,' he said. 'Let's move on. No one can believe that.' A Pentagon source speaking on condition of anonymity, however, amplified Secretary Rumsfeld's remarks. 'SecDef doesn't buy that. Chirac as a clone of Laval's? Nonsense. Petain, now, that would be plausible. But Laval?'